Earlier today Andy tweeted:

No train journey is complete without strangers wanting to play with my iPad.

Quickly followed by:

If you don’t know how to use an iPad, you’re probably still figuring out how soup works.

I can only assume that the second tweet came about due to one of the aforementioned strangers having a tough time picking up the UI.

Bearing in mind that the iOS UI is regarded as the finest in the world, it would be reasonable to junp to the conclusion that the nameless stranger was, in fact in the business of eating soup with chopsticks. I mean, it’s simple right? Touch what you want to use and hit the home key to go back. Easy.

Or is it? Let’s not forget that this kind of rich, intuitive touch UI is still very much in its infancy and there are precious few, the likes of Apple and HTC that have come anywhere near getting it right. The market is still flooded with inferior, complicated touch and button based UIs. With this in mind the issue becomes a lot less black and white. Allow me to illustrate. I’ve handed my iPhone to a number of friends and family members who I would never think of as stupid. Some of them are even fairly competent when it comes to technology and more than a few of them have stuttered or struggled in its initial use. Interestingly, the constant with all of these people is that they owned older or inferior mobile phones with complicated button based UIs.

This got me thinking, it’s probably not the people being stupid, more a case of them being conditioned, over time to use mobile devices via complex key combinations and menus within menus within menus. When handed a device where carrying out a task is as simple as touching the icon it is totally understandable that it would appear alien to them. After all we only regard things as intuitive if our past experiences with similar things condition us to have compatible expectations. Not everyone has used a touch enabled phone before. As such, however slight, there is still a learning curve. And let’s not forget; this is just with mobile phones. There are many similarities between an old Nokia and an iPhone (the way you hold it and use your fingers and thumbs to type, for example.) An iPad is a totally new way of computing. No desktop, laptop or Netbook has worked quite like an iPad before and as such no one will have any subconscious expectations.

We need to apply this thinking when crafting UIs for anything from a simple brochure site to a fully featured complex web application. What might seem like second nature to us will be perceived and picked up differently by others depending on their experiences with similar things in the past. We need to be patient and sympathetic towards those who are not as fast to pick up a UI as we are. Moreover we must constantly think of them when we make things. Failure to do so will always come at the cost of the end user.

Unthinkable

Starring: Samuel L Jackson, Michael Sheen, Carrie Anne Moss
Directed by: Gregor Jordan

When an FBI agent Brody (Moss) and a black-ops interrogator, H (Jackson) are brought in to press a terror suspect (Sheen) for the whereabouts of three nuclear bombs, right and wrong no longer exist.

When conventional interrogation methods fail, high level officials authorise H to use his signature torture techniques to extract the information, no matter the cost. Sickened by what she sees, it is up to agent Brody to get the information and find the bombs before H tortures a man to death and the the values of a nation are irreparably tarnished.

It took me a day or two to figure out whether I enjoyed this movie or not, and that I suppose is the whole point. Like Hard Candy, Unthinkable toys with what you think you know about right and wrong and it does this very, very well. Sure the pace is a tad uneven and it can be a bit bull-in-a-china-shop in places but on the whole I really quite enjoyed it. Moss, Sheen and Jackson delivered commendable performances, even if some of the supporting cast left a little to be desired, and the direction was more than competent, acting as a great tension builder.

Verdict:

If you enjoyed this, check out: Hard Candy, The Siege, The Sum of All Fears

From Paris With Love

Starring: John Travolta, Jonathan Rhys Meyers
Directed by: Pierre Morel

When handed his first “real” assignment, low-level CIA operative James Reece (who is acting as personal aid to the US ambassador in Paris) couldn’t be more thrilled… until he meets his partner. Trigger-happy, wise-cracking Charlie Wax leads Reece on a white-knuckle trail of destruction through the Parisian underworld and leaves him craving his desk job once again. But when Reece discovers he may be involved in the terrorist plot they are trying to stop, he realises he has no choice but to stick with Wax.

Like a cinematic meat-head, From Paris With Love packs a lot of punch with very little brains. Action, reminiscent of a ham fisted Jon Woo is drawn out by a ridiculous story and dialogue that would make porno script writers cringe. Travolta is too old to be doing this kind of thing and Meyers… well Meyers was okay but, let’s face it, you can’t polish a turd.

While not the best remove-brain-insert-popcorn movie ever made, From Paris WithLove did have its moments. Some of the fight scenes were exciting and some of the big explosion set pieces were pretty good too.

Verdict:

If you enjoyed this, check out: The 51st State, The Big Hit

The Book of Eli

Starring: Denzel Washington, Gary Oldman, Mila Kunis
Directed by: Albert and Allen Hughes

Eli, a lone traveller makes his way across a post-apocalyptic America with  a book that holds the key to mankind’s salvation or destruction. When he stops at a small trading post for water Eli encounters Carnegie (Oldman) who is intent on obtaining the book to control the town’s population and branch out to other settlements.

Solara (Kunis), one of Carnegie’s captives, decides to help Eli reach his destination and make sure that the book doesn’t fall into Carnegie’s hands. The pair make the last effort to reach the west coast, pursued by Carnegie and his band of mercenaries but can they reach their destination in time?

Remember how Deep Impact and Armageddon were released pretty much at the same time and they were nearly the same movie? Well The Book of Eli was, bizarrely released at the same time as The Road. The only fundamental plot difference between the two movies is that Eli has a specific destination. The protagonists in The Road just had to keep moving. That said, I think I enjoyed The Book of Eli a little bit more. It wasn’t as subtle with its message but the pace was a lot nicer and the ending wasn’t so depressing.

At first I thought the movie was a little too Jesus-tastic but the more I think about it the more I realise The Book of Eli is as much of an indictment of organised religion as it is a case for its existence. Combine this interesting story with some intense action and threat and you actually have a pretty successful movie.

Verdict:

If you enjoyed this, check out: The Road

A Serious Man

Starring: Michael Stuhlbarg, Richard Kind, Fred Melamed
Directed by: Joel & Ethan Coen

A Serious man follows Larry Gopnik, a Jewish college professor who watches his life suddenly unravel by way of a number of sudden unfortunate events. While looking for meaning in this troubled time, Larry not only finds no answers but stumbles into yet more misfortune.

Seriously odd-ball, A Serious Man is Coen Brothers through and through. This will most certainly not be for everyone but I was pleasantly surprised. While not laugh-out-loud funny you will find yourself identifying with how comically accurate a representation of day to day life it is. Not only this, you’ll find yourself exploring the ideas and undertones of the movie in your own mind for days afterwards and I don’t think I’m the only person who will want to watch it again in the future.

Performances were great all round and despite being a tad self-indulgent on the directors’ part the movie holds together very well.

Verdict:

If you enjoyed this, check out: Burn After Reading, No Country for Old Men, Donnie Darko (trust me, you’ll get why after you watch it)

Dorothy

Starring: Carice Van Houten, Jenn Murray
Directed by: Agnes Merlet

When a court appointed psychiatrist Jane Van Dopp arrives on a remote island to investigate Dorothy, a troubled young girl accused of abusing a baby she was babysitting she soon discovers that not everything is as it seems with Dorothy or the community on the island.

What at first seems like a textbook case of multiple-personality disorder begins to reveal itself to be something all together more supernatural and sinister. Can Jane solve the mystery in time to save herself and Dorothy?

Not at all what I was expecting, Dorothy is a fairly decent concept for a film and offers a nice twist on the usual multiple personality story. Unfortunately a low budget, unrefined direction and underwhelming cast let it down. The strongest cast member was Jenn Murray who played Dorothy and five other personalities throughout the movie but even this was sketchy at best.

The film’s marketing job was a bit of an abortion, if I’m honest. The trailers, packaging and tag lines all set the movie up to be like The Exorcist, Godsend or Birth when in actual fact it has more in common with Raising Cain and Deliverance. The interesting premise makes Dorothy worth a watch… just.

Verdict:

If you enjoyed this, check out: Raising Cain, Identity

Alice in Wonderland

Starring: Pretty much everyone you’d expect in a Tim Burton movie.
Directed by: Tim Burton

Tim Burton’s long-awaited re-imagining of the classic Alice in Wonderland sees Mia Wasikowska play Alice, a 19 year old girl who falls into a world from her childhood imagination to fulfill her destiny; to end the Red Queen’s reign of terror.

Although typically twisted and bizarre, Alice in Wonderland seemed to be a little too disjointed and removed from the source material. Proof positive that you can only mutate something so much before it becomes something else entirely. Burton did the exact same thing with Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Things seemed to just happen that, I’m sure made sense in the mind of Tim Burton but to average Joe, just seem totally misplaced and random.

One saving grace was the level of acting on show. Depp and co. performed admirably and smaller performances from Alan Rickman and Stephen Fry went down a treat.

Unfortunately, this time Burton has gone a bit too far into the surreal and turned out something a bit naff and all over the place. I’d much rather see the likes of his earlier work such as Beetlejuice and Batman. Those were the real gems.

Verdict:

If you enjoyed this, check out: The work of Salvador Dali

Like I said, let me know if you like this format because I’ve got a couple of days off work at the end of the week so chances are I’ll be doing the same again. I already have 44 Inch Chest and Splice ear-marked.

In a bit!

I had to rack my brains and do some serious internet combing to find model numbers and pictures of them all but I think I’ve documented them fairly well. So have a read… if you’re a total nerd like me.

Motorola AM3180 – Vodafone

Everyone remembers the first phone they ever had and I’m no exception. This unwieldy heavy beast made the pocket of my school trousers bulge when I was in year 11 (1999). It was one of the earliest PAYG handsets and typical of its time was very light on features. Alas it did all the jobs it was meant to do (calls and texts) perfectly well.

I was the only one I knew at that time with a Motorola. Cool when you consider that around this time the company was releasing its game-changing Star-Tac line of clam shell phones and the world was going mad for them. And so what if someone didn’t appreciate it. You could throw it at them for a quick hospitalisation.

Pros: Street cred, handy weapon.
Cons: Big, heavy, devoid of features

Sony CMD J6 – Vodafone

I got this sweet baby in my first year of college and kept it for the whole duration of my A Levels (1999-2001). Its sleek, lightweight design and refreshingly different, jog dial based UI made it stand out to me. At a time when the “cool kids” all had blocky, bland old Nokias I felt like a champion of good design.

It was really well built being Sony and was packed with decent features such as the newly emerging WAP and great sounding ring tones. Sadly the talk-time battery life was a bit of a let down, flat-lining around the 3 hour mark. For its time the J6 had a very high resolution display, albeit still monochrome. After pixelated green/black WAP porn sites lost their novelty factor, however the J6 didn’t offer much in the way of fun. Games were limited and a bit pants.

Pros: Compact, sleek, light, good UI, good build quality
Cons: Low talk-time battery life, poor games

Nokia 6510 – O2

This miniscule little phone was my first contract phone and also my first Nokia. Not only that, it was the smallest handset I’ve ever owned. Based loosely on the iconic 8210, the 6510 was geared more towards the executive market with its non-offensive colours and blue back-light instead of the usual green or white. What was also pretty awesome was that the LEDs behind the keypad were stupidly bright so you could pop the cover off and have a pretty sweet flashlight.

The 6510 sported the same great Nokia UI that had become famous with phones like the classic 3210 and games like snake and free cell were all there too. Where it fell short, however was with its lack of modern features such as polyphonic ring tones. These features were just starting to appear on phones released around the same time and would have been more than welcome on the 6510.

Pros: Small, light, executive look, great UI, doubles as flashlight
Cons: A bit light on cool features

Nokia 6600 – O2

Ah, my first “smartphone”. To this day I still love this phone and consider it to be one of my favourite nokia designs of all time. The 6600 was one of Nokias first widely adopted S60 camera phones, mainly because of its compact, stylish design and wealth of clever features such as video recording out of the box.

Although the design was lovely, the build quality left a little to be desired. The fit and finish was a little bit crappy and dirt worked its way into the seams and onto the screen. Not a huge deal but it did start to piss me off. Also, the series 60 OS, still in relative infancy was pretty buggy and the phone seemed to crash more than it should.

Pros: It sure was a looker, camera with video
Cons; Poor build quality, Buggy OS

Nokia 3230 – O2

I traded in my 6600 for something similar in features but smaller and with a better camera. The 3230 had a nice part-aluminium case and a modern screen orientated design. It ran S60 again but featured a supposed faster processor and more memory.

The reality of this phone was a nightmare. It was one of the slowest phones I’ve ever had the misfortune of using and it crashed like every 5 minutes. It took 20-30 seconds to capture a photo and the screen became caked in pocket dust inside 48 hours. No interchangeable covers meant that you had to dismantle the phone to get this crap out. 3-4 times a week.

One cool thing about this phone though, was the games. It came with a rally game and the first augmented reality app I’d ever seen in the form of a space invaders type game that used the camera to make an image for the background.

Pros: Kinda cool games
Cons: Slow, buggy, crappy fit and finish resulting in screen dust

Nokia 6310i – Orange

Now I didn’t actually own this phone, it was given to me as a work phone to use when I was on callout. It was a strictly business, function over fashion handset with no colour screen, no camera and a basic design.

That’s not to say it was a bad phone, far from it. The battery life was bordering on supernatural. I’d regularly exceed 2 weeks of standby time on a single charge. Also, everything about it was super-robust. It was built tough, the OS never crashed and it had one of the most stable Bluetooth implementations I’ve ever seen.

Pros: Massive batter life, good build quality, stable software
Cons: Only very basic features

Nokia N80 – Orange

After suffering the horrible 3230 for a year I looked for a phone that actually delivered on its promises. One of the original lineup of Nokia’s N Series, the N80 boasted 3G, 2 cameras including an unheard of 3 megapixel beast in the back and a beautiful high res screen.

Aside from a few minor crashes and a slightly cheap feel to the slide action this phone was a belter. The OS was stable, the UI was really nice and the camera took surprisingly crisp photos. The battery life was not the best but I’d regularly get 3-4 days out of a charge which is all I could really ever need. I liked this phone so much that I kept it for longer than my minimum contract.

The only thing that pissed me off was the fact that a beautiful all black version was released a few months after I got my silver one.

Pros: Cutting edge features (for the time), high res screen, fast and stable OS
Cons: Cheap feel to the slide action, underwhelming battery life

Nokia 6500 Slide – Orange

I’m not gonna lie, I didn’t choose this phone because of its features. The main reason I got this phone was because Orange gave me an iPod touch for free. On paper the phone was an upgrade… it had similar features to my N80 but they were all slightly improved. The camera shot the same resolution but Carl Zeiss optics made the images way clearer. The phone was built better, was smaller and the slide action felt reassuringly solid. So solid in fact that the phone was actually notably heavier than the N80.

It was a looker, too. Gloss black and brushed stainless steel made it look and feel really nice.

The downside to this phone was the UI. It lacked the intuitive simplicity that the N80 had and certain parts looked jagged and unfinished. Using the phone just wasn’t as pleasurable as it had been with the N80. I don’t regret having it though; the iPod touch made my mind up about what the next phone I bought would be.

Pros: Solid build, good camera
Cons: Nasty UI, heavy

Apple iPhone 3GS 16GB – O2

This brings us up to date. The phone I currently have is the iPhone 3GS. I gave the previous two versions of the iPhone a miss because, although they were good phones, they lacked some pretty fundamental features such as 3G and video capture. When the 3GS was launched with video, improvd camera with tap-to-focus and improved GPS with the added compass I only had a few months left on my 6500 contract so come December I got myself one.

Quite simply the best phone I’ve ever owned, the iPhone takes smartphone power and makes it easier to use than any other device on the market. Tens of thousands of apps mean that each phone is unique to the requirements of the user but the cutting edge UI means that the ease-of-use never suffers. And with each hardware and software release, the iphone just keeps getting better.

Pros: Best UI on earth, unparalleled app market, shaped the landscape for future mobile devices
Cons: Hard to name any but the battery life is pretty bad and the lack of flash *can* be annoying.

The timeline.

So there you have it. It’s not many phones by any means but I think it tells a story. What are your favourite/least favourite phones. What have you got now?

Twenty-six years and seven sequels later, Wes Craven’s most recognisable horror creation is re-booted. This re-imagining of the classic horror tale has been on my radar for some time now as I was a huge fan of the 1984 original starring Heather Langenkamp, John Saxon and Robert Englund as Freddy Krueger. When I heard that Jackie Earle Haley (Rorschach from Watchmen) was set to play Krueger in the reboot I was even more excited to see what could be done with Craven’s over-worked baby.

What we have here is pretty much a straight re-make. Very little in the way of artistic licence has been utilised. I guess the makers didn’t want to stray too far from the source material in fear of a backlash from the die-hard fans (Odd, seeing as most of these die-hard fans were against any form of re-make from the outset.) The major changes are seen in Freddy’s back-story, something that was only touched on in the 1984 film. Instead of a child killer, Krueger is now portrayed as a paedophile with a penchant for knives and cutting who is outed by his young, victims; pupils at the pre-school where Krueger worked as a gardener. I’d seen some reviews complaining about this deviation but I thought it was handled very well. It brought the subject matter very much into the 21st century and added to Freddy’s malevolence in a way that would have probably been hard to do back in the 80’s.

As for Freddy’s character; Haley pretty much nailed it. Gone are the days of Robert Englund’s over-exaggerated campness. Haley’s Krueger is darker, nuanced and infinitely more threatening. This is only enhanced by the new look to the makeup. OTT pizza-face is out and gaunt, hollow realistic burns victim is in. Black emotionless eyes coupled with Haley’s deep growl make for a more than successful re-imagining of a horror icon.

Unfortunately this is where the good points stop. Aside from Freddy there is not one memorable character; at least none that you’d want to remember. Langenkamp’s strong yet vulnerable Nancy is replaced with an under-developed, awfully acted character who, if it wasn’t for the amount of screen time, you’d mistake for a third tier supporting character, not the lead. Her troubled kinda love interest type person, Quentin (Gallner), feels like a character we’ve seen a hundred times and wish would just fuck off. Oh yeah, and Nancy’s dad (you remember; the town Sheriff)… nowhere to be seen! What, did the money run out?

But at least there’s some sick gore and memorable kills right? WRONG! Even with all the very expensive special effects in this movie, the kills in the 1984 version were a hundred fold better. The one where the girl is thrown around the room by an invisible Freddy sucked in this version! The scene where Nancy’s boyfriend is pulled into his bed before being ejected in liquid form all over the cieling wasn’t even in this one! And it’s not just the kills that are replaced with cheap knock-offs. Marshmallow stairs are replaced with poorly lit, crude oil hallway and booby-trapped house gives way to generic dingy school basement. Gay!

On the whole, the movie was watchable. However this was only because Jackie Earle Haley carried the fucking thing, single handedly, from start to finish. I hope we see him for a sequel because his version of Freddy is something I want to see more of but for the love of god; hire some better writers and a director with half a  fucking clue!

Verdict:

Having the app installed is no more handy than having a clubcard attached to your keys, in fact the process of finding the app, tapping it and waiting for it to load makes it marginally less handy. The beauty of smartphones is that they are two-way media. You can both send and receive information on the fly. Because of this, Tesco could, and should, implement the following features:

1. The ability to check your points balance from the app. EDIT: Literally the day after I posted this, Tesco released version 2.1 of the app that now allows the user to check points balance.
2. Special, app only offers and coupons delivered to the screen in the form of scannable barcodes.
3. The ability for customers to redeem their points balance in the form of a clubcard voucher on the screen.
4. The ability to pass points vouchers directly from the app to the tesco online store. (may only be possible in iPhone OS 4. I’m no expert)

These features, although not groundbreaking, would take a half decent app and make it outstanding. Chances are it would be fairly expensive to implement the infrastructure for these features but once it’s in place there’s no reason it has to be limited to iPhone users. Android and Windows mobile could have apps and even a simple mobile site could provide the same functionality to other phones. Low end phone users could even have the info and offer codes texted to them.

Although I’ve singled out Tesco, any outlet with a loyalty card system could jump on this bandwagon and improve the experience for all customers. So bloody get on with it!

It’s been six months (well about 2 years, our time) since Tony Stark threw down his cue cards and announced to the world that he was Iron Man. The world is a different place, it is at peace and the worlds first walking nuclear deterrent doesn’t only have to worry about enemies on the battlefield. The government wants his suit, his company is on the verge of ruin and the arc reactor chest piece that saved his life is now beginning to kill him. When things couldn’t get more challenging, enter Ivan Vanko, son of Howard Stark’s disgraced Russian employee, intent on destroying Tony; not just the man, but the symbol he has become.

I’ve been waiting for this since the credits rolled on the first movie back in 2008. Since then I’ve been drip fed nuggets of info that have just made me want to see it even more. War Machine, a new Iron Man suit Black Widow and more cool tech than you can shake a repulsor at. Couple that with rumors that the movie would see an even stronger resemblance to the source material (the comics) and you’ve got the makings of one exciting movie.

As has become the standard with Marvel comics adaptations since Marvel studios took full control of the productions; I was not disappointed. It seems the team at Marvel studios aren’t stupid, well they have been giving geeks what they want for over 60 years. They kept all the things that made the first movie so great and then added more!

The movie is certainly intense; especially the Monaco grand prix scene which, thankfully, the trailers didn’t ruin at all. War machine and The Black Widow are introduced in an unfamiliar but graceful way. Even the one character I had my reservations over, Micky Rourke’s Ivan Vanko, was skillfully and effectively portrayed and despite him not getting that much screen time still painted an appropriate amount of threat through the story.

One thing is clear in Iron Man 2; Marvel love tie-ins. Any fan of their comics has seen how good they are at crossover storylines with Civil War, Secret Invasion, Dark Reign and most recently Siege being very well received. No surprise then that in Iron Man 2 we see a shit load of subtle (and not so subtle) references to upcoming titles The Avengers, Captain America and (if you stay past the credits) Thor. These references work in varying degrees but even at their worst, see Cap’s shield, don’t do much to tarnish the movie.

So the performances were all good, the action and geek-o-meter all satisfied and it was as consistent, with regards to the first movie, as it could ever hoped to have been. However it wasn’t without its problems. As with the first movie, Iron Man 2 suffers a kind of cinematic premature ejaculation. It peaks early and once this happens the plot seems to wander a long while before returning for its second wind which isn’t as good as its previous, premature climax. For me the grand prix fight between Iron Man and Vanko is infinately more exciting than their final confrontation, albeit not as grand.

The movie also kind of teeters on the edge of a common comic book movie killer; character soup, y’know, that thing Spider-man 3 had. Though oddly I kind of wish some characters who didn’t appear did have little roles. For example I was well psyched for seeing Iron Man throw down with the Hulk, something that was rumored for some time during the movie’s production. But hey ho.

All in all this was a really entertaining movie and a more than competent sequel. Let’s hope that they hold it together for the next installment and, of course The Avengers.

Verdict:

DIBI, an acronym for “Design it, Build it” is a two-track conference meaning that there was one schedule for design talks (the ones I attended) and another for development talks with the option to move between tracks if you so wished.

Let me say, right from the off that the event was just excellent! Gavin Elliott and the team did an insanely great job of putting it together, not just in terms of the speaker line-up, which was superb but all the extras too. We were provided food, drink and stationary in the form of a field notes notebook not to mention a great after party with a free bar and free pizza. I heard from many people who had been to the likes of FOWD and dConstruct that DIBI blew them out of the water in terms of talks, atmosphere, professionalism and of course price and value.

The Talks

These were all great. The organisers couldn’t have got together a more wonderful group of speakers. Adii, Sarah Parmenter, Tim Van Damme, Simon Collison, Dan Rubin and Andy Clarke all gave inspiring, in some cases surprisingly helpful talks about a variety of web design issues from how to involve design in your startup from day one all the way through to taking a “hardboiled” approach to browser and device support.

I found all of the talks to be relevant but I did come away with some personal highlights. Simon Collison’s unparalleled obsession with design theory was beyond inspiring. He took a single dot and through manipulating it in various ways explored how the most basic shapes or colours can communicate so much more than what most would believe. I also found myself hugely surprised at how useful I found Sarah Parmenter’s talk about the principles of iPhone UI design. I learned things about Apple’s UI guidelines and app store entry requirements than I ever thought existed.

My favourite talk of the day, though had to be Hardboiled Web Design with Andy Clarke. I’ve always been a fan of his direct, uncompromising approach to browser support and his ethos of build for the best browser then strip back layers of eye candy accordingly for the older ones. In that respect, his talk didn’t really cover anything new but what it did push, and very well, was the “why” in all of this. He spoke about how when it comes to users, ignorance is bliss and that we should all wake up to the fact that most clients don’t even know what a browser is, let alone know that there are many available. As long as what they see in the browser is appropriate for purpose, they’ll enjoy the eye candy if their browser supports it and won’t miss it if they’re running IE it doesn’t. I certainly left inspired to push the boundaries in my next project and also to make Safari my default browser.

The Extra Bits

Like I mentioned before the organisers made sure everyone was well looked after. We all got field notes notebooks, as much coffee and juice as we wanted and ice cream and free Red Bull in the afternoon. On top of this, lunch was thrown in as well. Parking? Yeah they made sure it only cost me £3 for the whole day. Blam!

DIBI provided attendees with not one but two parties and although I didn’t make the first one I’m told it was excellent. The after party with open bar and free pizza was nothing short of legendary. The venue was a little hot and a little cramped but I’d be a dick if I said that made a difference. There was poker, roulette and blackjack tables (all playing for funny money, of course) and of course it was an excellent opportunity to meet great people and put faces to @names.

These guys clearly believe that it’s the little things that make a big difference.

Shout Outs.

Well here’s where I name drop a little bit. Firstly, a massive virtual pat on the back to Gavin Elliott and the team for pulling off an event with such gloss and precision. You’d think they’d been doing it for years. Now on to the excellent people I met. Ash Baxter, Paul Stanton, Chris Spooner, Amy Mahon, John O’Nolan, Adii (and the rest of the WooTeam) David Appleyard, Sam Brown, Jack Osborne, Sean Hood, Emma Persky, Hector Simpson, Andrzej Kała, and so many others who I’m struggling to name as my brain reached capacity about 7pm, you guys were great too.

Next year? Oh hell yeah!

Case in point, the one where the woman starts by saying “So you receive an email that looks like it’s from your bank, you click on it…” Woah, woah WOAH!! What the fuck!? So now you’re saying “it’s fine to be a complete fucking idiot, your browser will stop all the nasty Internet scammers from running a train on your bank account”?? Jee, thanks for the mixed messages there Microsoft. One minute your software is so paranoid you can’t even run a program without it freaking out like Rainman at the airport and the next you’re saying, “you know what, that message from ‘your bank’… go ahead and click on it, it’s all fine”.

There’s another one where the woman (sexist overtones?) starts by saying “So you click to get this free download and…” Now I admit that it’s less moronic to be duped by a dodgy site offering wallpapers and screen-savers than it is to get caught on a phisherman’s hook but still you have to be pretty dim-witted to fall victim to either.

The really worrying thing is that the adverts are probably pretty effective. People are probably now thinking “it’s okay I’m using that there Internet Explorer, I’m safe online because the man on the TV says so.” when there’s a very real chance that they aren’t even running the latest version and an even realer (more real?) chance that they have out-of-date or no antivirus solution installed. Let’s not forget that IE8 is still an unconscionably awful browser that EIGHT VRSIONS IN still can’t render a rounded corner or a fucking shadow!

Seriously, Microsoft. Pull your heads out of your arses and get real! It’s not like you make any money from IE so why put all that money into bullshit advertising. Do what other vendors do and put the money into developing great standards support and actually making websites look good. If you still feel the need to parade a bunch of over-happy fuck-wits on the TV why not spend 8 seconds with one saying “So you receive an email that looks like it’s from your bank. You should delete it immediately as 99 times out of 100 it’ll be a virus or a scam. If your bank really want to give something to you, they’ll use the post.”

/sigh. Rant over. Next: “Windows 7 was NOT your fucking idea, cocknose. And even if it was, that’s not something to be proud of! Now get back on your fucking treadmill!”

Based on a comic book mini-series that wasn’t even finished when production began, Kick-Ass follows Dave Lizewski, a teenager who buys a costume and hits the streets as a “super hero” to help people. Using the moniker Kick-Ass he discovers that he is way out of his depth when he meets the real deal in the form of Hit Girl and Big Daddy, a father and daughter pair of vigilantes on the trail of mob boss Frank D’Amico. As Kick Ass begins to get the blame for the pair’s “work” he finds himself in the sights of the D’Amico family who put their own “super-hero” on the streets to trap Kick-Ass.

I’ve been excited about this movie ever since I read issue one of the series about a year ago. I only became more and more excited as I only heard good things from magazines and other reviews. Empire gave it a full five stars. In actual fact the movie left me conflicted. Here’s why.

I’m not going to lie to you. I massively enjoyed the movie. It was cool, snappy and didn’t try to pull any punches with language or violence like many films do these days to secure a lower certificate. Characters, especially Hit Girl were portrayed wonderfully and I really can’t see a weak link in the cast. Similarly, the direction, score and action were all top notch. No problems there either. What left me conflicted was the not so graceful deviations from the source material: the comic book series.

I’m the first to admit that in certain comic to film adaptations you have to make changes, either to flash out the content to fit a 2 hour movie or to cover up things that simply can’t be translated from comics (see Wolverine’s blue and yellow spandex). In Kick-Ass, though things were changed that really shouldn’t have been. Most of these I could overlook but two points; climax and Dave’s relationship with the girl of his dreams differed so much that it left me feeling disappointed. Maybe if you hadn’t read the comics these things wouldn’t bother you. but they bothered me.

***Possible Spoilers***

But the thing, on reflection that bothered me the most is how they translated the character Red Mist (Christopher Mintz Plasse) from comic to screen. In the comics, the true nature of Red Mist is only revealed when the double-cross is punctuated by a swift pistol whip to the back of Kick-Ass’ skull. In the movie, the set-up is dealt with out in the open and as such an opportunity for a great plot twist is thrown away.

In the grand scheme of things these flaws are minor. Kick-Ass is up there with Iron Man and Watchmen at the top end of the comic to film genre. I recommend you go and see it then read the comics.

Verdict: